I think I'm taken far
less serious now. Like some verocity about my personality has somehow
vanished. Ironically I feel just the opposite on the inside.
I think I'm one of the few people who atleast make some attempt to hang out with the people I stay connected through myspace with. Granted, I slide back. It might be inconvenient at one point. But I cannot recall how many times I post some bulletin, offering free party materials, a place to stay, and some company; and yet it seems as though everyone is so busy. It would only lead one to believe that perhaps no one is as bored as I am. Regardless of validity, in my own head, how would I know different?
Here, another saturday, I wait to get numbed out of my skull. Liquid and smoke completing my dinner of champions. And likewise, an entire packet of smokes, what a night this will be. More writing songs in drunken stupors. Masterpieces of audible art I create with flicks of my fingers, more often than not a drunken I produces quite formidle music. And tonight shall be no different, I callibrate.
And in knowing I would do this, I supposed I would try to invite someone. For I play these songs for no other reason. Except for someone to hear them. Often I end up alone, mics on, guitar revved, tamborine under my feet, ready to blow up the world. Or just fall into it.
Self-medication is beyond overdescribed among people who indulge in counterculter activities. There are millions of kinds of drug users. The person looking for a good time, catching a buzz. The guy down on his luck, 'self-medicating'. And sometimes there are those so stuck on realistic, logical thinking, that rationalization will have them believing it doesn't matter. Because it's easy to feel good if you know there is nothing you can do about the most important things. Selective ignorance. Passive realization. And perhaps the keen sense of opulance.
Expectng more makes me feel undeserving. Like a murderer forgiven by the family. Perfectionism devours my ambitions, though more. Falling short isn't losing the lottery, it is such of nuclear explosions and ailing dreams.
The do or die time is trying. It is looking at us all, I feel, with this expression that says, "I am in control." The utter ignorance that the possibility of bliss is. Some concerns I have dropped completely. As such a thing should happen when we become a bit smarter, or blooms wisdom, or churns innovation. The seeking of enlightenment in this life is all the first stage. And I am nowhere near even that. Im just some dude on a fucking cloud, checking out the scene through the fence.
^_^ haha
Jan 19, 2008
I think I'm one of the few people who atleast make some attempt to hang out with the people I stay connected through myspace with. Granted, I slide back. It might be inconvenient at one point. But I cannot recall how many times I post some bulletin, offering free party materials, a place to stay, and some company; and yet it seems as though everyone is so busy. It would only lead one to believe that perhaps no one is as bored as I am. Regardless of validity, in my own head, how would I know different?
Here, another saturday, I wait to get numbed out of my skull. Liquid and smoke completing my dinner of champions. And likewise, an entire packet of smokes, what a night this will be. More writing songs in drunken stupors. Masterpieces of audible art I create with flicks of my fingers, more often than not a drunken I produces quite formidle music. And tonight shall be no different, I callibrate.
And in knowing I would do this, I supposed I would try to invite someone. For I play these songs for no other reason. Except for someone to hear them. Often I end up alone, mics on, guitar revved, tamborine under my feet, ready to blow up the world. Or just fall into it.
Self-medication is beyond overdescribed among people who indulge in counterculter activities. There are millions of kinds of drug users. The person looking for a good time, catching a buzz. The guy down on his luck, 'self-medicating'. And sometimes there are those so stuck on realistic, logical thinking, that rationalization will have them believing it doesn't matter. Because it's easy to feel good if you know there is nothing you can do about the most important things. Selective ignorance. Passive realization. And perhaps the keen sense of opulance.
Expectng more makes me feel undeserving. Like a murderer forgiven by the family. Perfectionism devours my ambitions, though more. Falling short isn't losing the lottery, it is such of nuclear explosions and ailing dreams.
The do or die time is trying. It is looking at us all, I feel, with this expression that says, "I am in control." The utter ignorance that the possibility of bliss is. Some concerns I have dropped completely. As such a thing should happen when we become a bit smarter, or blooms wisdom, or churns innovation. The seeking of enlightenment in this life is all the first stage. And I am nowhere near even that. Im just some dude on a fucking cloud, checking out the scene through the fence.
^_^ haha
Jan 19, 2008
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