The Blog to End All Blogs

I've spent my entire life listening to music. Anymore, I don't really know what songs I want to hear. I find it hard to put my finger on one particular moment that a song might fit, something that use to come so easily. It seems that as many ways as there are to have thought processes, there just aren't that many ways to live. You can think in colors, words, metaphors, pictures, and tons of other ways. But you can't live in those ways. You can't live in dreams. You can't live in beautiful moments. You can't experience something as beautiful as you would like it to be experienced. You can only live. You can only expect the worst or expect the best. Taking a chance everyday simply by walking out of your front door. We now live in a world overrun by not thinking. Mediocrity is king. The things which made something so special and so sacred to one individual is now tarnished and burnt. Now we only have dreams. The dream of one day being completely comfortable and without struggle. A dream that is still just a dream. Now, it is pointless to be abstract. You are the dog being thrown into the middle of the ocean. When is it that you will tire out with no land to swim to and die? When is it when you will reach the highest peaks of your individual glory and contently fold to the hands of time? For most that will never come. A very smart person once said, "To be is to live. To dream is to be a fool." There are no true answers to any abstract questions. You can't expect anything less from something as unreliable as humans. We are beings that relentlessly toil on the superiority of ourselves. Constantly trying to prove who's dick is bigger. In the end there is no salvation. Each person dies and goes out believing what they wanted to believe. All of their thoughts, desires, needs, now never existed. They are gone. It suddenly occurs to me that involving the importance of human life, one person is nothing. One is really nothing. Only when we are confronted by massive numbers of human death are we even shaken a bit. And even then it is only an event. There are some out there trying their damnedest to stop it. But that just simply goes against nature. It is natural to die, whether you die naturally or not. It is natural to exist and then not exist. Because it is cycle. Something this world prides itself on. There use to be so many ideas and images and experiences I craved for the mere sake of beauty. To have something which has no meaning. Beauty has no meaning. Simply an object of adoration. How depressing to realize that your greatest desire is meaningless. I use to search for those moments of beauty in life so hard. But my searching is done. I realize that you can't find them. They don't exist. You can only think them. And in that mode of thinking, you are living apathetically. It's like always looking on the bright side of things, apathetic. Whether not admitting it makes someone feel better or not, it's apathetic, as is always taking the negative side. Every thinker and philosopher tries to justify themselves in any way, shape, or form. But thinking on any one path is leaving crucial elements of other paths out. The mind is always in a box. Because even thinking outside the box is still inside the box. I've come to believe that everything is indescribable. The words we use are symbols to denote things. They DO NOT define things. One day might be windy to one person and breezy to another. Even the words I use to write this sentence and the ones before it cannot truly describe what I think or feel. They can only give a piece, and shady, jaded piece of what I truly try my best to express. I honestly don't know what I wanted this blog to be. Perhaps I just needed to say somethings. There are so many moments where I am just out of words, I have nothing to say. Maybe this was simply the catching up of that. Regardless of order, regardless of conciseness, it still has no direct meaning. Kind of like life. 


Nov. 25, 2005